blessings in a huge disguise

The month of May is always a challenging one for me.  I'm constantly reminded about how drastically my life changed in the month of May in 2007.  It was the hardest time of my life.  I went through a whirlwind of heartache, depression, paranoia... you name it, I felt it. 

I often look back at what I went through at the young age of seventeen and am amazed that I'm still here.  Honestly.  The days were dark, however, they didn't remain that way.  There is a "happily ever after" to my story. 

First and foremost, my intentions aren't to reopen a can of worms by writing this or look for sympathy.  I don't want to offend anyone but I have been doing a lot of reflecting and feel that I deserve to share this journey and where it's taken me seven years later.  If you feel you're going to be offended, stop reading, it's simple.

On May 21, 2007 I lost my Grandpa Halatoa.  I had never lost a family member in my life and this loss hit hard.  It wasn't easy and I miss my sweet Grandpa everyday, as well as my Grandad Elbert.  A few days after dealing with such a great loss I experienced something that I won't go into detail about but it was easily the worst night of my life that lead to years of struggle, hurt & fear.

For years, I didn't think I would be able to overcome what I experienced.  It was much harder being that this was the second time this had happened to me.  I dealt with horrible paranoia and constant fear.  I would often spend nights sobbing while saying a prayer asking the Lord why he chose me to deal with such a trial.  After what had happened to me I didn't feel safe in my own house, the city that I grew up in, or the state that I spent my entire life.  Home wasn't home for me anymore, so I left.  I moved to Las Vegas. 

Deciding to move wasn't easy and it affected myself and my family in a large way.  I had to leave all of my friends whom I grew up with, leave my school at the end of my junior year and begin my senior year with zero friends at my new school.  My parents had to sell their gorgeous dream home that my family shared so many beautiful memories in.  My mom had to quit her job and relocate to Vegas with me. 

Moving to Las Vegas wasn't an automatic fix to my problems; I remained scared but with the help and support of my amazing family, I eventually overcame a lot of my fears.  My sister Lota and my parents supported me through my fears, prayed for me, and were my shoulder to cry on through the darkest of times.  I am forever thankful for them and how they never forced me to forgive, they allowed me to face this demon when I wanted to and on my time. 

I was able to meet a lot of great people after moving here, each one played a purpose in helping me recover and get over what I dealt with.  One of those people being Sage.  He played a large role in my happiness, he helped keep my mind away from the whole thing.  He was also my only friend at my new school and introduced me to a lot of people.  He was my little distraction and when I told him what had happened to me he helped me feel protected and loved.

That is where my "happily ever after" comes in.  With Sage and I expecting another baby, I have been thinking about how far I've come since May of 2007.  Seven years is a long time and I can say in those seven years, I learned many things throughout these years.  I overcame hate, learned to forgive yet never forget, and trust in the Lord.  Without the guidance and help of my Father in Heaven I wouldn't be here.  I made it through the darkness thanks to all of the light that my family, husband and my daughters bring me. 

They are what keep me sane and they are my happily ever after.  If I would have told my seventeen year old self that what I experienced was kind of like a blessing in disguise, I would have called myself crazy.  But when I take a step back and take a look from the outside looking in, it's true.  I hate that I had to deal with what I did and that others had to experience dark times because of what happened but eventually, the dark fades and the sun comes out and each day becomes a little easier.

Moving to Las Vegas has been a true blessing.  If I wouldn't have I wouldn't have met Sage, we wouldn't have become best friends, we wouldn't have gotten married, and most importantly, we wouldn't have had a two incredible blessings, our daughters.  What I dealt with made me into who I am today, it brought me what I have and although, I wouldn't want to experience that night again, I'm strangely thankful that it led me to where I am and most importantly to who I have.

priceless moments

Being a mom has allowed me to experience moments that are truly priceless.  Hearing your baby cry for the first time, seeing their sweet smile, watching grow & learn new things, having them say "I love you" for the first time, thanks to my sweet princesses, I have experienced so many beautiful, heart warming moments.  I'll cherish each one forever,

I try my hardest to keep record of the many amazing things my babies do.  Whether it be a note in my phone or by taking a picture or posting a blog, I try to document these priceless moments.

Tonight, I witnessed one of these moments & I immediately had to jump on here to document it.  Anelia & I were laying in bed & I noticed Tai was kicking.  So I put my hand on my belly & then thought "let me see how Ane will react to this..."  I grabbed Ane's hand & pressed it into my belly where Tai was kicking.  Tai stopped kicking so I told Ane "Tell Tai to say hi!" Ane then said "Hi Tai!" & pushed her hand into my belly harder.  I've never felt Tai kick so much until that very moment.  Ane felt the kicks & started laughing & pressing into my belly to feel more kicks.  As I'm typing this blog, Anelia has her hand placed on my belly, patiently waiting to feel her sister kick.

I can't wait until Tai's movements are much stronger, Ane is going to love it!  I'm so glad that she is slowly starting to really understand that I have a baby in my belly.  I can't wait for her to experience the joy of having a sister.

I love these gems with all of me & thanks to them I get to celebrate Mother's Day!  I'm one blessed mommy & it's all thanks to them!

whoaaa, we're half way there

You must sing the title to the tune of "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi ;)

Indeed, we're half way there.  I hit 20 weeks on May 2nd.  It's actually gone by pretty quickly and I feel myself slowly wanting to start nesting.  I almost feel like it might be a little early to start doing that but you can never be too prepared.

I felt Tai move for the first time around 17 weeks and on May 4th I felt her with my hand from the outside for the first time.  She still is pretty small so it was a very small movement but feeling your baby move is my favorite part about pregnancy.  I can't wait for her to continue to grow healthy and strong & look forward to those big kicks and movements.

We still aren't sure what her middle name is going to be.  Since her first and last name are so short we want a long Polynesian middle name.  I'm sure we'll find the perfect name soon, in due time. 

September 20th can't come soon enough, I look forward to having our sweet girl here.

locked out

Sometime last week, Sage & I worked together to make some delicious chicken, sausage, mushroom & shrimp skewers.  Sage was so excited to make these.  He went out and bought a little grill and was so proud once he got the little thing together.  Typical man for you. 

The grill was small and about a foot above the ground.  Ane did fine at first with the grill being in the backyard, we mostly kept her occupied with some sidewalk chalk.  Eventually she became too comfortable and kept going near the grill so we decided she needed to go in the house while we finished up.  Our family room is right inside our sliding door to the backyard so she was in our view. 

She wasn't pleased that we kept her inside & when we turned our backs to finish up, the lights went out.  We both just laughed that she turned the lights out on us and continued our work.  We finished with the skewers and Sage went to open the door and to our surprise, it was locked.  Yup, our two year old locked us out. 

At first it was funny, then the panic set in and I was knocking on the door for Ane to open it.  She then began to panic too and was crying for us to come in.  Luckily, Sage had his phone on him so he was able to call his family to bring us our spare key.  They live just down the street so it was very convenient to say the least. 

Sage's sister arrived and I'm sure what she found was priceless.  Anelia crying next to the sliding door, Sage & I standing outside in the backyard, in the dark.  Priceless.

The moral of the story?  Never underestimate the power of your two year old.